I keep having this dream of falling from the sky while I am asleep then when I hit the floor I do softly and in a forest. I'm always laying by a tree and when I look up my hair is really long in my face (my hair is short) and my eyes peeking out are like a raspberry/purple (my eyes are dark brown) Well I'm sitting there and the only feeling I have is fear and longing like I was looking for someone. I get up then and my legs wobble every time and I start to walk.( every time I start walking I go into the view from her eyes) I always see a waterfall off in the distance and sometimes I either go to it or pass it. I keep looking for something, or someone.
I dont really see my face because I'm in my body looking through my eyes, but I dont even know if it's me, it does look like me but I look older and wise, but kinda like I'm 20-23 yrs old (I'm 17) well I always see a figure off in the distance and they reach out to me. I put my arms out and try to run to them, but I always run into a invisible glass window. I always beat on it until my hands bleed and I'm crying at that time. BUT when my tears fall down off my cheeks onto my hands they are white like snow and the always heal my cuts on contact. Sometimes though I hear violin music behind me and other times the figure tries to talk to me but I can never hear them. It always cuts off when I scream and the glass is starting to break.  

So that has been my dream for years, it keeps repeating over and over. What does it mean?

I was thinking alot last night and today and I figured things out! My heart is light and my smile big . haha thanks to him  lol Oh & God answered me in a way...he does listen.  My friends do love me and they care and I see it in their own lil ways now. I know now Michael wasn't meant for me,even though I'm still in love with him but he deserves better and a great girl so best of luck to him!

Weeeeeeell I think I'm going to do way better now! And he does help with his craziness and sweetness.  

Oh and so for today...well it was great had some laughs and Loraine got attacked by ketchup and I leaned against it  all on my left leg and her pretty dress! poooor Lorraine man I hope it comes out!

Haha oh HALF DAY TOMORROW! weeee freedom! Well I'm off to go get my H.W done bleh

I'm going crazy...or more like I'm driving myself crazy! I'm having an argument in my head with myself and I still try to put up a front for others. Why does it have to hurt so much? This feeling of loneliness....emptiness. Its eating at me, and my friends cant even tell..haha thats funny. They say I'm 'boy-crazy' wtf no I'm not..come on saying a guy is good looking is not a crime people because the only guy I am really crazy is for Michael! Which Gawd-dammit I'm over! I dont need him or any other guy for a matter of fact! So when my friends say I'm boy-crazy or like guys too much what I think is 'well thanks guy, I feel like a slut!' Gawd I never get approval from them, I freakin got yelled at for BECCA! Come on man I love her but shes almost 18 guys shes old enough to take care of herself. And by the way she is the one who left me! So whatever. You know sometimes I dont even think they care.... and I dont like it. I try hard to make them happy and to be a great friend but nothing....

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 Do they really care God? Or do they not want me anymore D: And what the heck with flaunting this at me I cant have God? I know about Michael...I'm painfully letting go...but come on with this guy I met a couple of weeks he is soooo freakin awesome...Crap! noooo Please God rip my heart out of me and let me never love again! I dont want to love, cause ever since Aaron I feel like no other guy wants to touch,look,or even give me the time of day. And it hurts! This new guy though he just like the quiz said..haha i know not to believe in it but its true. but I cant have him..cause I think he likes one of my other friends and nooo one ever likes me anyway unless they are freaks!! I attract weirdos who have problems and hormone issues........ I just dont know anymore...I feel like I'm fading away...

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Hmmm so today was a weird one! 0.o I had a good day and laughed so much in my 2nd period. I kept smiling and giggling and being charmed by those eyes. I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest and I could breath! It was nice to feel that way again without having to take anything in return. I dont know why I felt that way or way my heart was beating fast and my ears growing red as Wonder Women's boots. Its funny because I feel like there are a million dragon flies flying in my stomach....and I feel devilish like I'm going to go to something amazing! I need to get out and do something or I will go crazy kind of feeling. Ahhh

I think there is something wrong with me because I had a pep in my walk and a sway in my hips...i was actually strutting myself and being brave. What is wrong with me? Am I changing or just going crazy? IDK but I kinda like it. I wonder if was all because of that feeling I got..that for some odd reason made me feel beautiful and those eyes that made me feel that way charmed me into someone new-ish..not fully open yet but coming out like I'm slowly turning into a butterfly.

"Beautiful,Smart,Skinny,Outing....I long to be the"

 First off yes I stole this! Well he wouldn't let me take one before summer and I'm too much of a chicken to ask again! >< plus I love when he smiles! >.> haha I'm a lozer!

OMG So I got some guts and gave Mike a drawing and he loved it!  He said it was freakin sick! XD and He yelled "Thanks Jess" people looked at me and I turned red! haha that made my week! <3 The rest of the day sucked though cause freshman at lunch are really annoying and I want to kill them!  haha! Well my day got way better because:

1.Becca gave me pie!

2.School was over!

3.I got to say bye to Michael and he was being a dork!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWMX1OEntX8

LORRAINE WATCH IT!

 Today was pretty good except the tummy pains .... >.> lol I almost went crazy in DA [digital art]  haha ITS NOT FAIR THOUGH! Lorraine is allll the way in the back and I allll the way up in the front! haha LONER but I have nice people up there [Nick,Liz] Nick is super funny and Liz is super nice so I'm ok for now! I'm currently drawing up as STORM like craziness on color too! :3 hehe so ya I got to see Mike after school and he seemed out there like his head was in the clouds! Poor guy he seems upset and like he doesn't know what to do. I wish I could help!

Omg and I got to work with Dustin again,hes sooo nice I like him!  NO AND NOT LIKE THAT! > Cause everyone these days thinks if you think a guy is cute you have a crush on him and like him!!! I dont like that! >:[  blah mom is not helping cause shes all like "is this a possible new crush to get you mind off Michael? "...........oh silly mom  

Today sucked and I felt like crap! block 2,4,6. 2= Govt, 4= photography, 6= sculpture. Well basically I felt like there was a heavy weight on my chest and that I was drowning. I wish I could just once be happy with the way I am and FREAKIN get the damn guy!!! argggg hcjvnfsdvjdfbn! XD I just really like Michael and I cant get over him.. *sigh* mostly when I see his shining face at school sometimes and Leslie told me he wrote to me but it not fair because I really like him and he seems like he cant stand being near me because I'm a FREAK! I hate myself -.- well I'm off to finish watching Bones and draw more!

Ok so ya I like block days so far, today was 1,3,5. 1=Spanish 2, 3=English12, 5=Digital Art! lol it went by fast! Well I got work done and was bored most of the day but I love my English class!!! This guy Dustin is so funny and really quite charming, hahaha he sits in front of me! Well I had to do an essay and he was keeping me entertained lol. Its good that I have someone who is nice in my classes! Oh and he had beautiful eyes! XD haha ya I love eyes! Well I got to make a logo in Digital Art and well my first came out cool! The day was boring and not much to say but I'm going to HATE tomorrow!!! No friends so ya going to hang in photo or sculpture! Oh and its day to of letting go of 'PoloBoy'.

Today was not that good! It was one of those days were you go through school like a ZOMBIE!  Classes sucked,people were jerks..it was just a bad day! I got to see the guy who makes my heart sore today but it wasn't a happy thing maybe at first because I was talking a mile a min and so happy to see him!  .......he acted like he wanted to be anywhere but here, ya I picked up on it.  BUT I guess I need to move on, haha my friends were right and so was the little devil on my shoulder. I'm stupid I always like a guy that is too good for me and well it kinda sucks because I'm not a looker myself haha! XD Well the day sucked all the way through and well ya walking to my car some yelled out to me "woo nice ass" *whistles*  O.O ooook lol >< Life is weird!